It is not death but the dying, as several of you have said, that makes me fearful. I don’t believe there is anything beyond death except that my body will return to the earth in ashes. My spirit may be recycled too, but not in my individual form. I certainly hope there is no afterlife with me as me and others as they were, are and will be. I just think that my body will rejoin the earth and my spirit will be recycled into other new people.

However, life is so incredibly beautiful, horrible, exciting, dreadful, fascinating and many other things that, even at 78 and beginning to creak a bit, I certainly don’t want to disappear yet. At least some part of me will continue for a bit in the memories of people I have met, loved, hated and been loved and hated by! Who knows my poetry might even find a little place to resonate with people for a while.

Having accepted the inevitability of death I guess that it is up to us humans to become better informed about the subject, from the position of the practical aspects, more so from both the spiritual preparation and the opportunity to choose your own time and method of departure. In my general community, I’m constantly surprised at how difficult it is to maintain a social conversation around the subject of death and dying, it’s as though most people rely on the ‘system’ to look after the details and the less said the better!

In 1962 when I joined Freemasonry, I was surprised that a large emphasis on their rituals and customs were to do with contemplating our mortality, nearly 50 years later, that teaching has now maintained its relevance for me. Here in Western Australia, some friends and I are engaged in opening discussion and providing an opportunity for 50+yr olds to consider the prospect of preparing for Eldership, and that includes conversations around death and dying.

Many of our contemporaries are somehow content to just fade away when they reach 70, some even before that age, the pursuit of satisfaction (inner peace?) consists largely with travel, having a good time and wanting to cram in those interests that they have not yet pursued. Most of our discussions have clearly indicated a lack of direction and/or support for the concept of conscious ageing, with all that entails. Letting go, detachment, wisdom, blessing, witnessing, creativity and the homecoming of spirit, and finally a respectful and careful journey toward the domains of frailty and dying.

I’m wondering whether there is a conversation around death and dying and how that can be shared?

Blessings

I agree with James that we spend many hours and resources keeping a soul alive when it is probably much kinder to just them go. More spiritual education perhaps is called for at this point to break down the fears surrounding death and what is on the other side. When my time comes I will certainly be looking for “good death” and I hope to help others achieve the same, so long it is of their choosing.

In 1989 I began working with AIDS in Western Australia. This journey was to continue for six years culminating with the final two years managing a Respite House that served as a hospice for those dying of AIDS. I witnessed angry deaths, stoical deaths, peaceful deaths, fearful deaths, drawn out deaths, many of them brought to a conclusion with the help of a morphine injection.

I remember the love, compassion and most importantly the physical affection that was given to all of those we cared for. I also have clear recollections of those I knew in the community that had the early symptoms of AIDS. They ‘self-delivered’ because they knew what was to come and did not want to lose their autonomy, suffering the indignities of a slow, drawn out shutting down of their body and its functions.

I respected and honoured their choice. I respected their right to make their own decisions about their own lives, how and when they were to end.

Those of us who are happy, healthy, and then dead, are indeed the fortunate ones. For those of us who are to experience something like cancer, there is the likelihood of a long drawn out dying process.

As you say Persephone…”I am not afraid of death itself, but am afraid of the manner of my dying”. I too feel the same way.

I agree that the process in the book: ‘Deathing’ by Anya Foos, may not be easy to experience or master. Hell, I have difficulty meditating as it is!. However, it does suggest the possibility of being able to experience a conscious death, especially in longer illnesses. For me, that would include not choosing medical interventions (apart from pain relief). I would like to have the grace and dignity to accept and willingly go with the process. It is probably easier said than done though. If my death could be helped along in some way, I would be all for it.

I know the shutting down process of the body is not a quick process. It can take days. This is when I too would love to have the choice of sitting back with music and a concoction and sip my way into the twilight zone with whomsoever wants to be with me. And, there are many who will want to hang on tooth and nail to every last drop of life, of that I have no doubt. That is their privilege.

So Persephone, I agree with you. Maybe a conscious death is nothing more than having the awareness to know when it is time….. and exercising the right to cease being on this planet, if so chosen.
Marie-Elise

Having stood by helplessly as both my parents died of cancer and watching the long drawn out process of keeping them alive for no other reason than legality, still remains with me to this day. I believe that as long as the decision of when to terminate a human life is left in the hands of the medical world, the state and even some relatives, the situation will remain at status quo.

Somehow they seem to forget the very person that should be allowed to make their feelings felt. We give the dead respect, reverence and dignity. Why can we not do the same before they die? I understand that at point of transition there are many emotions involved, and the idea of thinking clearly becomes impossible. That is why I believe as you do, that giving the decision directly to the gravely ill or dying person – as early as possible, is what this whole question is about.

Sometimes, I wonder about the sanity of this world. We stand by and watch while thousands of people die of starvation in countries we have never even heard of, and yet fight tooth and nail to keep a person who is so obviously dying, alive.