Persephone Arbour

THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER

Q “I have lived in a few places in my life but I feel as if I’m constantly searching for a place I can call ‘home’. When I am living in my hometown I always feel like escaping and imagine there is a better place for me somewhere else. Is my search just about my own self or do you recommend packing up and moving on as a solution to this? Are some people just gypsies as heart?”

A Your question is a fundamental one – it is, at its core, a spiritual question, and yes, it is also a question about your own self.

Most of the great religious traditions, particularly those of the East would say there is no outer home, the home that you are looking for is within. The belief being that when you are at home within yourself, there is nowhere else to go. You are then able to live anywhere, with, or without, anybody – in a state of blissful ordinariness. However, this is not the experience of most of us

We are actually talking here of enlightenment or self realisation. This is a gift not given to all, even though some say we already have it. This can cause misunderstanding and confusion when faced with the sort of question being asked in your letter. We can be in danger of aspiring to some goal, seemingly way ahead, rather than listening to the quiet messages within.

You ask this question: ” Are some people just Gypsies at heart?” This represents the other side of the coin – one being the spiritual, the other being the temporal. The gypsy-like quality of wandering is either cultural, as in nomadic tribes, or an example of “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence” syndrome! This is a valid way to live, it’s great fun and it’s challenging. It opens the heart, broadens the mind and the psyche like no other activity I can think of.

However, it can equate with the relationship journey – the constant searching for the right mate, the soul mate, and the in-love bit. I have much experience of both syndromes: the traveller and the searcher for soul mate, and have found that neither has brought me as close to home as my inward journey. Although, both have offered valuable learning on the way.

This question is also to do with our humanness, vulnerability and sense of belonging. Here is a quote from John O’Donohue, who speaks like no other writer about these matters:

“Everyone longs for intimacy and dreams of a nest of belonging in which one is embraced, seen and loved. Something within each of us cries out for belonging. We can have all the world has to offer in terms of status, achievement and possessions, yet without a true sense of belonging, our lives feel empty and pointless. . . .like the tree that puts roots deep into the clay, each of us needs the anchor of belonging in order to bend with the storms and continue towards the light . . . . . . .” He goes on to say “When we are in rhythm with our own nature, things flow and balance naturally . . . . . The art of belonging is the recovery of the wisdom of rhythm”

I discovered that it is possible to be happy and contented almost anywhere in the world. Yet, whilst living in Australia, there eventually arose a deep longing to reconnect with my roots – with my natural rhythm.

In the past, when travelling, changing houses, countries and life-styles, there was always an element of adventure, spontaneity, risk taking and excitement – drama in other words! My decision to move back to the northern hemisphere was surprisingly quiet and gentle. There was no urgency or sense of adventure; my movements for preparation were sensible, practical and deliberate. This was a new feeling for this Aries woman! Hand in hand with these gentle preparations grew a deep sense of the rightness of things combined with strong feelings of love and gratitude for who and what was being left behind. Also, there were equally strong feelings of love for the comparatively unknown life ahead of me, but there was no doubt in my heart at all.

I hope that my experience of (in your words) constantly searching for a place I can call ‘home’, has helped you see your own longings in a bit more perspective. You have to remember that I have come to these conclusions after a lifetime of searching and looking and finding out for myself. It’s as if I did all of that in order to find that I didn’t have to do it at all! One thing I do know – that I do not regret one minute of my wanderings; life is much richer for them.

I am coming into the final chapters of my life. I suspect that you are still in the earlier part of your particular book. I would like to suggest that you follow the invitations that are held out to you – they are everywhere. I would also like to suggest that you keep your heart and your eyes wide open. Maybe you do need to travel around the world a bit to find out whether or not you belong in Perth! I am making the assumption that you are Australian born. However, you will not lose anything by visiting your ancestors’ birthplace, wherever in the world that happens to be. Then you will be able to see how deeply your roots have, or have not, dug into the red Australian earth! I wish you much luck – and bon voyage!

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