Jan 26
‘Love is as Love does’ by Persephone
A personal comment on on-line dating. With apologies to Scott M. Peck.
Arriving in my somewhat bemused 70s, although gently hopeful, I never imagined that there would be a man with whom I would fall in love with the same fervour as at seventeen. Well, recently it happened, I met a man and fell in love.
Some of you already know that I have been through a rough patch recently, and decided to be pro-active, rather than sitting at home in the slough of despond. This took the form of joining an on-line dating site called Saga Connections, (This is part of Saga magazine). I thought – well nobody I know will know this, except one dear friend to whom I tell everything. So, with some embarrassment I signed up, answered all their questions – and waited. What had I got to lose? Absolutely nothing except, maybe, my pride!
In fact, the whole system was surprisingly intelligent, well constructed and with privacy at the top of the agenda. I met one man, with whom I had a fun day – but he was not who I thought I was looking for. I got a bit dispirited, looking at photo after photo, and reading profile after profile. All my doubts about going down this particular path came up strongly. I was just about to cancel my subscription when a new set of ‘matches’ came in. These appear regularly, and attempt to suggest possible people with whom you might have something in common.
There were photographs – and one in particular caught my eye. My thinking was – oh well, I might as well try this one – he looks interesting. I wrote the required introductory letter, with no private personal details allowed – and lo and behold got a reply! We then perused one another’s websites – more surprises and glimmers of hope – then Skype. Well, that’s what did it. We both agree that was where we found each other, in an amazingly, honest and profound way.
I am writing this short article in order to reassure, and encourage any of you who are contemplating doing something similar. It is possible, even at the age of 77 (we are both the same age) to allow yourself to open up to another person, with love, honesty and respect. There is a difference, of course, between the girl of 17 and the woman of 77. That difference is mainly to do with shedding any ideas of how things ‘should’ be. It is also having enough wisdom to honour the commitment of the heart, and put aside any fears of rejection.
As Scott-Peck says in his inimitable book The Road Less Travelled, “Love is as love does. Love is an act of will – namely, both an intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love”.
I am finding truth in that statement.
January 28th, 2011 at 7:31 pm
Wooohooo…. go girl.. me next! This is such heartwarming news and I am so thrilled for you. May your life be blessed with happiness.
With much love
Jackie x
January 28th, 2011 at 7:42 pm
Sounds too good to be true. Although I’m new to your website, it makes me very happy reading.
PS.
Was also almost moved to tears at the Muslims being shields for the Christians in Egypt.How Beautiful.
January 28th, 2011 at 9:02 pm
I’m so glad for you – for both of you! I hope that it will be as good as the 18 years I had sharing my life with my late wife, who I met through just such an agancy – Natural Friends in our case. If it’s half as good, you’ll be a very strong and happy “Us”, one being with two bodies and heads joined in love. Again, I’m so glad for you. Quentin
January 28th, 2011 at 9:03 pm
Great news Persephone, I am very happy for you. You know what I am going to say now! I have been on more dating sites (for years)than I have had hot dinners and still no man! I am open and realistic! So I wonder what the secret of success really is………………am I going to have to wait till I am 77?
January 29th, 2011 at 4:56 am
Thank you for sharing this lovely meeting! Cheers to you both!
With love, Bhagawati
January 29th, 2011 at 5:32 pm
Congratulations Persephone and may you both have many happy years together. What an inspirational story for those of us well beyond teens and twenties who are returning to find love again! Sue
January 31st, 2011 at 11:29 am
GREAT !!!!!!
I love it !
I have been trying on and off for years and only got to encourage other people who were successful. Much safer that way . My excuse has been “Oh I’m fed up of this -I can’t do it — Are they trustworthy “.. Only 2 days ago I decided that this was not going to happen in my life again, I am 75.
NOW I have changed my mind .
My grandmother found her 3rd husband at 83 and had 10 good years with him. “Best husband I had ” she said.
February 2nd, 2011 at 3:45 pm
Great Persephone! You always make me smile
You gotta be in it to win it…
February 7th, 2011 at 4:07 pm
Congratulations! Your story has inspired me to have the courage to try this myself. I’ve been thinking about it for months and didn’t have the courage to do it. As you say, I have nothing to lose but my pride!
February 11th, 2011 at 9:46 am
Wow! Persephone; this is the most action I’ve seen in a long time. You should have used your act of will and chosen to love much sooner. It certainly plays havoc with the energy. In a good way of course. Sorry I haven’t commented sooner but I’ve been having my own kind of havoc here in Denmark. I couldn’t be happier for you. After the video “Bring in the clowns”, it was about time you moved your energy into an up-swing; and what better way than allowing another person into your heart. Life is too short to fumble around in the may be’s, could be’s or should be’s, life was not issued with a guarantee. 17, 27 or 77 the heart never really changes. The thoughts concerning love may no longer seem so impetuous or life threatening, but that certain quality always remains unchanged. I can only wish the best for both of you and your future together. James.
February 11th, 2011 at 3:14 pm
I am amazed at the number of letters received about this subject. Thank you all for your encouragement and good wishes. We continue to flourish in this new world (both of ours have been turned upside down!) . . .despite the travelling time needed to meet! Skype is a wonderful tool – I strongly recommend it! Anyone reading after my note here – please keep sending your comments!
Persephone.
February 28th, 2011 at 7:53 am
Hi Persephone…. we havent spoken for ages but had to tell you that last year the same happened for me, and we travelled 300 miles to see each other many times through the autumn. And in December we rented this gorgeous house together and amidst snow and ice I moved up here to N.Yorks from Somerset!!!! It was me that moved cos David has a glorious woodland and we want to run retreats there ‘Deepdale Visions’, starting with trial runs this July. We want to help people reconnect with nature, with silence, with solitude and with others, from and with their deepest selves. We are in our 60s, but are finding that love at this age is a revelation….conscious intimacy is a whole new way of being together. I am amazed to think I found a man who is spititual/emotionally intelligent/passionate/intellectual/good and kind through a mainstream website (Guardian Soulmates). Also over the last 4 yrs I had had a stream of interesting relationships through those sites- even though I knew they weren’t partner material it was a wonderful journey. The secret is to focus (esp at the deepest level) on the positives of what comes our way, not on what’s ‘wrong’, and on the exchange between two people, on the magic. After all what appears on our path is reflecting what is inside. Living in relationship is a great challenge to me after so long being so in control of ‘creating my life’ but i am relishing it and growing, no matter what the outcome.
I know you will find the same dear Persephone.
remember me from ‘Mature and Multitalented’ days as Sandra? I changed my name on moving north. David calls me Freya Rising!!!!… i know Freya can do things sandra couldnt…. exciting times
Freya