Persephone Arbour

I received this letter yesterday from a dear friend, Clare Soloway.  So impressed by her and her husband’s courage as well as the topicality, I thought you might be interested to read this first hand account from Pakistan by a woman in her 60s who has lived her life as fully as mine!

“ In two days I’m due to leave Pakistan – there’s still a question mark on that though – I discovered a couple of days ago that I don’t have a ticket……. I’ve been making a bit of a fuss for the last couple of weeks as the confirmation of the ticket failed to arrive and the travel agent kept assuring my sponsor here that it would definitely be with us “definitely within the next two days.” On Saturday I felt that in spite of the prevailing concept of “Inshallah” (If God Wills) a bit of action might be needed. I went to confront the travel agent in person. He seemed quite hurt and upset by my lack of “faith” in him and assured me of his certainty that a cancelation(!) would happen and I would be on the flight. However, he said, that could not be confirmed until Tuesday due to Easter. I pointed out to him that we were in a Muslim country that the flight was with a Muslim airline and that it had been booked on January 30th – what could Easter have to do with it – and what was this about a “cancelation”?

Inshallah is a wonderful and beautiful sounding word but when you bring it down to bare facts it means “it’s up to God” or put another way “not my responsibility”. Personally I’ve always come from the premise that once I’ve securely tethered my camel and amply fed and watered him, I can sleep soundly having done my share to ensure the camel is there and ready for the next days journey – after that I do have to hand over to whatever life dishes up. So I still don’t have a ticket but having done everything I can I’m waiting with interest to see what happens. Ain’t life fun!

And this is Pakistan. Deeply moving, frustrating, painful, heartrending and always very very intense. I’m delighted to be leaving (if I do!), primarily because it will be wonderful to move around freely wherever I am, to have transport on hand, whether it be bus or car, whenever I need to get somewhere. And, because I won’t have this pervasive sense of personal threat in a country where the shadow of the Taliban constantly looms.

It has been so rich. The teaching has been well received and I have felt appreciated. We have been warmly welcomed and experienced the generosity of the people. And, Simon and I have begun to see ways in which it may be possible to contribute here. This has arisen out of the shock and disbelief at Human Rights issues which have had a profound impact on us, especially in how they affect women and the ongoing righteousness of “honour Killings” which, it is claimed, is dictated by the Koran.

There is the case of Mukhtar Mia the woman who was raped by four men in front of the whole village as punishment for a crime her brother was alleged to have committed. Also the case of a young couple who have a small baby and who have been condemned to die, the couple and the baby as well, for marrying against the wishes of their tribe. The head of the tribe, the Jatoi, is a government minister. They are being held in a safe place desperately hoping they may be taken in by a friendly government somewhere in the world.

One instance, which reached the world press recently, was of the young girl who was publicly flogged for being seen with a married man (it has emerged that the married man was her father-in-law). This particular case was taken up internationally because it was filmed on video. And then there is the case of another man known to have killed four women, said to have been buried alive. Very shortly after this happened the man who carried out this honour killing was elected to high office as yet another government minister.

We met an amazing woman called Justice Majida Razvi who has spent her whole life working for women’s rights. She was the first woman ever to be elected to the Supreme court in 1994 (only four other women have since been elected) and following her retirement she has been working more directly with women. We went with her to visit a shelter she has started for women who are under threat from their families or tribes. We met and talked to the women and I began to see how desperately they need to feel heard. I have since then proposed a plan for counselling for them which could be done by some of the students I’ve been training and I’m setting up a facility so that those students can get proper supervision which I can help with by Skype and telephone.

Majida is a woman who has spent her whole life in the legal profession, as a lawyer, a barrister and then a judge, and who has stayed vulnerable and in her heart. She has somehow remained undefeated in a country which can make the most determined and dedicated feel helplessness and despair. Over one lunch we had with her she recounted the story of a woman who decided, against family wishes, to divorce her husband.

When she was in the lawyers office trying to finalise the divorce proceedings her mother came in with two assassins and, in front of the lawyer, ordered them to kill her daughter. The brothers of the woman said that it was an honour killing in which their mother had acted on behalf of the men of the family and, since such killings may be carried out by men as a matter of “honour”, the mother and the assassins were exonerated.

What brought tears to both Majida’s and my eyes as we looked at each other was the appalling truth that a mother had stepped forward and cold bloodily killed her own daughter – in the name of Allah………. And it is still legal to stone to death homosexuals and women who commit adultery.

What continues to defeat the many people here, who are passionate about both Pakistan and Human Rights and who daily risk their lives, is the face of Sharia law (fundamentalist religious law) and the non separation of church and state.

And so I’m leaving (Inshallah, if I get my ticket!). I will probably come back, but first I need a little distance and space. I am so grateful for my freedom to live as a Western woman and deeply grateful for what I have experienced here. I feel the enormity of this learning and the generosity and the sharing of the people here in Pakistan and how my heart has been opened. Saying thank you isn’t enough and can’t express the richness of this experience.

With love,   Clare.”

Addendum from Persephone: I received a letter from Clare today saying that not only was she now back home – but her ticket came through the night before the flight and was upgraded to Business class as the agent couldn’t get her into economy and decided to take responsibility! “